The World of Beards caused controversy recently by suggesting that Sergio Batista was the world’s greatest bearded sportsman. We feel safe though in saying that Manchester City’s Sun Jihai is not in the running. In fact he doesn’t even have a beard. Not yet anyway. We sent our resident newshound, Regy Growthestein to sniff out why China’s David Beckham may be bringing the beard into disrepute.
So the World of Beards has sent me to Manchester. I gotta tell ya I’ve never seen such a load of miserable looking limeys. And I can’t blame em. True Mancunians seem to follow Manchester City. D’yer know what else I found out? “Manchester” United aint even in Manchester. No wonder my weirdy beardy compatriot Malcolm Glazer bought em. They’ll have no complaints when he packs Manchester Red Sox off to Floirda, they’re in little ol Salford right now anyhow.
Shoot, back to why I’m here. First off it was Wayne Rooney, now Man City’s Sun Jihai is in on the act. He’s insisting that he will not shave until he returns to the first team.
“I want to keep the beard until I play my first game,” He told me. “I don’t think it’s good for me. After I play the first game I will cut it off, and my hair as well to make me more handsome!”
Well my friend, from what I hear up here from my Manchester buddies we could be about to witness the growth of one of sport’s longest beards. Sun just aint cutting it – literally and not literally, he’s transcending literal – he just aint that good. I’m betting he quits the game and hooks up with ZZ Top to boost their sales in the East.
All this talk of growing beards as a public statement of adversity is a terrible thing. We should be celebrating our face carpets, not using them as acts of inverse schardenfreude.
What do you think? Have you ever grown a beard as a vehicle of your own failure? Tell the World (of Beards).